The Worst Business Plans Ever

The Worst Business Plans Ever

Many years ago a client came to me with a proposal for designer clothing. Sounds OK so far. But this designer clothing range was for ferrets.

That means ferrets walking around with diamonte collars, slogan t-shirts, even funky winter jackets.

This may be the time to scoff, but out of curiosity I started reading the business plan, it went on to show the popularity of ferrets as pets, the level of enquiries already received, an endorsement from Kate Moss, then two videos, one of ferrets in these outfits at London Fashion Week and another showing the collection on BBC Breakfast.

It is at times like this that you realise that even though some business plans appear mad, they actually can have legs. Lets face it, Xerox turned down Apple, Western Union turned down the patent to telephones…

But not all bad business plans end up good. These are some prime examples, so read on…

The Worst Business Plans Ever

Take these 5 examples which were submitted to Simon Dolan of SJD Accountancy;

1 – £2.5m required to start adult entertainment business

So this is basically a request for a few million to start filming porn. The sort of project you need to self finance, or just not do it

2 – Unique invitation to invest in a developed oil field in Iraq

We have a demand for the product, so that’s a tick in the right box. However, the option of developing an oilfield in a warzone never really appeals.

3 – £250 required to help with my boyfriends leaflet delivery business

Just what return is anyone going to get from a £250 investment? If £250 is going to break you then the business will fail. Not sure why the application was even made…

4 – Exotic female angle grinding dancer franchise – the number 1 craze sweeping the nation

There may have been a few sceptics when Dominos suggested that delivering pizza will take off. Add to this that if you ask any marketing person about your business they will talk about ‘niche’. However there is niche and then there is niche…

5 – Obsessed with vampires? Then become one! Real fangs, lighter your skin, true blood cocktails at our dedicated salon

So Twilight and Vampire Stories may be all the rage, but as a business? Time to bring out the sunlight and the garlic…

6 – All the good will you’ll need in an envelope, for just £50 we will send positive thoughts and energy to you

Cracking proposal. The thing is that you just know that this business plan would have generated a few sales. In this case, for business read high hopes…

Worst Business Plans Summary

The moral here is twofold. That there will always be a worse business plan than your own, take comfort from that. The second thing is never believe anyone who says there are only 5 things, there is always at least 6…

By Dave Farmer

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